Monday, December 11, 2006

Voice Lessons II

For a really long time, when I was in danger in my dreams, being grabbed, pulled, or having to physically defend myself, I was unable to do so. Just as a scream was going to break through into sound, I would lose my voice. It would deflate. If I needed to physically fight back, I would see myself drawing back my fist and even propelling it into a swing but in mid-air my arm would turn to lead and fall to my side, ineffective. The helplessness of these things has sometimes haunted me.

Last night, in my dream, a man approached me from behind with intentions of pulling me away into that always unknown place of danger. I started that process of screaming, expecting to fall short again, but this time it was like the dormant volcano that makes a liar out of the village people. Sound came out in powerful and welcoming screams. My conscious and subconscious merged in celebration until I was just standing there on the street screaming because I could. And then I moved on to the next part of my dream, a luxury I haven't yet experienced.

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